Somebody asked me: how do you stay? How do you stay in a Church battered by wave after wave of safeguarding failures? How do you stay in a Church where power seems so often to be abused? How do you stay in a Church where you are still excluded from roles because of your gender? How do you stay in a Church where your children are discriminated against because of their sexuality?
Don’t think I don’t ask those questions of myself. Because I do. Regularly.
Don’t think I stay through habit or necessity or inertia. Far from it: staying is a daily decision.
How do you stay? Why do you stay?
I stay because of the people of St Andrews; because of their faith, their prayers, the journey into God we take together daily. I stay because I love them, and am called to live with them and for them. Because, despite our flaws and failings the Holy Spirit turns up and surprises us again and again. Because us being Church here, doing God, makes so many people’s lives more livable. Because somehow, through the cracked glass of this community, God’s face is visible in the world.
And so I stay.
I stay and work to build a Church community that is inclusive, a place where people of all sorts can find a home, a place to belong, a place to contribute, a place to grow.
I stay and work to build a Church community which is as safe as it can be, where power can be questioned, we can talk about the things that matter and be truth tellers.
I stay and work to build a Church community with Christ at its centre, where we can fail and forgive and rise once more.
So I stay, and I weep when I look at the wider Church and the damage done to the Gospel by its flaws and failure.
But weeping never solved anything. So rather than weeping and washing my hands, I continue to work as Dean of Women’s Ministry to ensure women’s voices are not silenced. I work as a member of General Synod to see structural change. I work on the Vacancy in See committee to help to make process of appointing the new Bishop for this Diocese open, honest and God centred.
For as long as God calls me to, I stay.
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